Friday, September 2, 2011


I'll start posting more when I find a job right now that's more important then how I'm feeling today...

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I'm Scared

The building that I work at is closing which means I'm going to lose my job within the next two weeks.
Just got an apartment not too long ago and I don't even know if I can pay the rent.
Moms on my case about everything I don't even want to call her back.

And this weight loss shit aint working.

Honestly I don't even know what I'm fighting for...what I'm living for anymore.

And that scares me

Sunday, August 14, 2011

I'm Back And I'm Starting Over.

I know that it has been months since my last post (4 months to be exact). And I apologize to all my followers for that.
Things have been crazy with work, I was also taking summer classes and that didn't turn out too good.

Just a little recap:
I am still dating Ashton, we are going great 1 year and 3 months now, and we are planning to go up north to visit his family in December. I am still living with him, and yes we are still renting a room from a crazy lush drunk landlady. We plan on moving in January to an apartment closer to where we both work.

I know what your really wondering is how my weight is doing, well I really don't have good news. At the moment I weigh about 174lbs, and I am a size 13/14 pants and Large-XLarge shirts. I know that's like a 40lb jump.

I stopped caring about how I looked for a while. Then the other day I was going to Publix with one of my male co-workers and I weighed one pound less then him, I'm 19 and hes a 30yr old man. It was extremely embarrassing.

I plan to get back on track and get down to a size 6 by Christmas when I go up to meet Ashton's family.

I don't think I will focus on cal intake as much this time around we will see as time progresses how I'm doing and if the results come as quickly as I would like them to.

So here's the plan and if I decide to tweak anything I will be sure to update you on everything, I plan on posting at least once a week so you keep up to date on how things are going but I only plan on weighing myself every two weeks.

The plan goes as follows:
  • Fruit
  • No Carbonated Beverages
  • Chicken, Turkey, and Fish Only (no beef for now costs too much and currently I'm on a strict budget)
  • No bread or pasta of any kind.

So that's it for now, we shall see how it works out. Depending on how the first two weigh-ins go will determine if I need to cut back portions or anything like that.

Wish Me Luck
And It feels so good to be back

R. LeRose

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Work out plan

Last night was the start of a 12 week work out plan.
Monday: 5k in 52 min and 13 seconds.
Tonight I'm going to push myself and see what I can do.
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Saturday, April 9, 2011

A Picture Says a Thousand Words

Another great way to spend my Saturday. At work. Usually I can get by the 9 hours of sitting at a desk by watching Hulu or on Youtube or even playing Neopets( yes I'm 19 and still play neopets.)

I have 4 hours and 45 minutes left in my shift but guess what my poss who normally doesn't bother coming in on weekends just walked through the door.

So there goes that.

Last night I went to bed rather upset. Earlier while watching Supernatural with my boyfriend he was texting this girl that he met at a bar while "hanging out" with his guy friends. That in itself set off a red flag in my head, but he didn't seem to understand. He deleted the contact though which made me feel a little better.

When I asked him how her picture ended up on his phone as well he said that she took his phone and put her picture and number in it herself. What surprised me was that he said that he didn't notice or could tell that she was hitting on him. Right...

She was really pretty and way way skinnier then I am. She was blonde, blue eyed, and basically a picture perfect American girl. Nothing like me. I am a black afro headed brown eyed not thin at all girl.

I am just worried I guess. Maybe he isn't attracted to me anymore or at least not as much as he used to be. I mean our sex life has gone down the drain, I don't even think he wants to touch me anymore, but who could blame him I mean I've gained weight and he can tell.

I can't help but think maybe he would rather be with someone else.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Penny for Your Heart

Sitting at work coming to grips with how unhappy I am with my life and what's happening in it now.

I am broke working way too much.

I feel that my grades in school are slipping. It is my second semester in college and I am already going to have to repeat another class. So there i money and time I don't gave down the drain. Which brings me to my goal for leaving this god awful state of Florida and away from my distant family who just so happens to live 3 minutes away from me, so really they are immediate family. I don't necessarily want to leave my mom and my brother but everyone else here I need to get away from. But at this rate I'm not going anywhere.

My love life has not improved at all, at least in the ways that I want it to. My relationship with my boyfriend is great all except one component. He does not love me, he cares about me but that is all. And I know that it is wrong to pressure someone into loving you, but I really need this right now.

My weight is still as crazy high as ever and its not going down at all. and it frustrates me. My boyfriend doesn't seem to help any, bringing home fried chicken and ice cream.

Also my boyfriend and my living situation right now SUCKS. At the moment because he does not have a car I am staying with him. He is now renting a room in a 60yr old woman's house. It's a nice house don't get me wrong but I cannot come and go as I please considering a lot of my things are there. I can only be there when he is there and that is not convenient considering that he lives 30minutes away from my parents house. That means that from school I'd have to go to my mom's house instead of where my clothes and computer is until he gets off work at 8pm. Which I honestly hate. He is not trying to find us another place, and he says that he wants us to live together but nothing is happening. I am ready to just say fuck it and move away to an apartment by myself or move back home.

I am currently getting more hours at work so I hope things start to look up.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Running til the end..

Yesterday was the FIRST OF THE MONTH.

So with that I have started a new exercise program, well not really a program more like I'm forcing myself to go to the gym. And my boyfriend is going too so that's even better because he's making me go. And watching him lose weight pushes me to want to lose more then him. Competition helps a lot. Plus he is a lot heavier then me hes 260 something and makes me feel small and since he is a guy too he will naturally lose a lot more weight faster then me so that pushes me too.
So last night was the first night we went around 9pm we planned to go at 6am but neither of us heard the alarm clock.

Now I'm just going to stick to the treadmill for now because I heard that that is the quickest way to burn fat. I'm not trying to build muscle so I'm not doing any lifting. Well last night was the first night like I said and I ran a 5k that's 3.10 miles in about 50 minutes I'm going to try to beat that every time I get on so that way I can set goals for myself not only in my weight but also in the gym. I only burned like 250kcal which pissed me off my boyfriend ran the same 5k and burned over 500kcal so I don't know if that has to do with his weight because the program on the treadmill asked us to put in our weight so maybe that's a factor I don't know but I'm hoping to burn more tonight.

So gym every night til I lose this weight.
right now I am 154lb.( I know its disgusting)

I am aiming for 150 by next week Sunday.
its written on my wrist for motivation :)
Wish me luck... and I'll keep you posted!!!