Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Interesting things have happend

This morning I receive a text and it was something that I thought I would get at least not from A. Well what I got was this message "Idk I mean I just feel like I'm not giving you the best I could and your doing above and beyond".
And when I read that I was like whoa, please God please don't let him be breaking up with me. I know that it may sound strange it coming out of the blue like that but it really isn't. Last night A and I went to go see a movie and when he drove me home we talked in his car for a while maybe a half an hour or so. But I was rambling off as usual and I asked him the top 10 things he liked about me and it took him nearly 20minutes to come up with ten different things and I was just thinking to myself are you kidding me?
Anyways back to the texting convo, I told him that he does everything for me hes literally the best boyfriend I have ever had. Like for real he takes me out, he bought me flowers, and i stay over and he cooks for me not frozen pizza cooks i mean like cooks cooks. So I asked him if things were okay as well because as one can assume my heart was pounding and I couldn't help but think that he was going to break up with me. He responded in saying "yea everything is fine just the 10things you wanted and I stumbled my way through I should be able and easy to do"
I never really figured out why he even bothered to tell me all of this maybe to get it off his chest or maybe he just wanted me to know he was sorry without actually having to say he was sorry because saying sorry in this incident would be rather weird.
So I don't know if all in all this ended up being a good thing or what all I know is that I'm happy we didn't break up and I'm happy that I know he's happy (and I know that because he told me :))

Still that Mockingbird won't Sing....

Still lost like always. I've cried so much about him and he doesn't even know. And the funny part is that I keep hearing this song and its basically what I think is happening but I don't want it to happen you know...



Mockingbird by Rob Thomas.

Here we stand
Somewhere in between this moment and the end
Will we bend?
Or will we open up and take this whole thing in?
Everybody else is smiling and their smiles don’t fade
And you don’t even wonder why you just don’t think that way
Maybe you and me got lost somewhere, we can't move on we can't stay here
Well maybe we've just had enough, well maybe we ain’t meant for this love
You and me tried everything
But still that mocking bird wont sing
Well man this life seems hard enough
Well maybe we ain’t meant for this love

Take my hand
And I will lead you through the broken promise land
Yes I can, ah yes I can
I can be there when you need it, I'll give it all till you can't feel it anymore
I don't wanna love you now, if you'll just leave someday
I don't wanna turn around, if you'll just walk away
Maybe you and me got lost somewhere, we can't move on we can't stay here
Well maybe we've just had enough, well maybe we ain’t meant for this love
You and me tried everything
But still that mocking bird wont sing
Well man this life seems hard enough
Well maybe we ain’t meant for this love

Maybe you and me got lost somewhere, we can't move on we can't stay here
Well maybe we've just had enough, well maybe we ain’t meant for this love
You and me tried everything
But still that mocking bird wont sing
Well man this life seems hard enough
Well maybe we ain’t meant for this love

Maybe we ain’t meant for this love
Maybe we ain’t meant for this love

Saturday, August 7, 2010

He says....

"I like everything about you"
well thats all fine and dandy
but you don't love one thing about me so why does it matter?

So.

Updates updates.
A still doesn't love me and I'm talking to K again. In case your wondering K was a guy I dated a while back solely online/phone/email/facebook, never met in person that could be because he lives in NY. Well anyways. Hes in love with me, still and I made plans to go up and visit with him either during Christmas Break or next year during Spring Break. One of the two. The reason I'm going later rather then sooner is because if things do perk up with A I can stop talking to K even though I do have feelings for him I don't love him, not like I love Ashton. So overall I'm just working on having a plan b, because everyone needs one of those am I right?
I started a new job, which I am at right now. I'm a receptionist at a nursing home. Old mall job at Forever21 wasn't paying me enough and I was working enough if that makes any sense here I work almost 40 hours a week and get paid $8 an hour. Which is a whole $.75 more then F21 and I hear from my friend that works there no one liked me anyways at least here my mom works and I know a lot of people that work here and I'm always always home before 9, which in itself is amazing.
Besides that...nothing too new is going on I start college on the 23rd which is just around the corner. Mom and her asshole of a husband broke up or at least spit up. What happened was my brother and I got into an argument with him and it exulted extremely. All in all he ended up with a black eye and backing his bags. Mom seems to blame us and I told her yesterday that if she wants him back to call and have him come back but she should know that my brother and I would never forgive her for that and if he moves in I know that I wouldn't be speaking to him. He is dead to me.
I'm excited about school starting I am so ready to meet new people and get things going with my life I really want to move out so I'm sure in two years I will be transferring and out on my own thriving, away, far away from my mother and her drama.
I really just wish that my relationship with A could be like this book I just finished reading call Sundays at Tiffany's, this one quote stands out to me."Is it so difficult to imagine or believe that a man and a woman could find happiness together for a little whole, which, after all, is all that we have?"
I want something like that.
And I know someday maybe I will...