Another great way to spend my Saturday. At work. Usually I can get by the 9 hours of sitting at a desk by watching Hulu or on Youtube or even playing Neopets( yes I'm 19 and still play neopets.)
I have 4 hours and 45 minutes left in my shift but guess what my poss who normally doesn't bother coming in on weekends just walked through the door.
So there goes that.
Last night I went to bed rather upset. Earlier while watching Supernatural with my boyfriend he was texting this girl that he met at a bar while "hanging out" with his guy friends. That in itself set off a red flag in my head, but he didn't seem to understand. He deleted the contact though which made me feel a little better.
When I asked him how her picture ended up on his phone as well he said that she took his phone and put her picture and number in it herself. What surprised me was that he said that he didn't notice or could tell that she was hitting on him. Right...
She was really pretty and way way skinnier then I am. She was blonde, blue eyed, and basically a picture perfect American girl. Nothing like me. I am a black afro headed brown eyed not thin at all girl.
I am just worried I guess. Maybe he isn't attracted to me anymore or at least not as much as he used to be. I mean our sex life has gone down the drain, I don't even think he wants to touch me anymore, but who could blame him I mean I've gained weight and he can tell.
I can't help but think maybe he would rather be with someone else.
Sitting at work coming to grips with how unhappy I am with my life and what's happening in it now.
I am broke working way too much.
I feel that my grades in school are slipping. It is my second semester in college and I am already going to have to repeat another class. So there i money and time I don't gave down the drain. Which brings me to my goal for leaving this god awful state of Florida and away from my distant family who just so happens to live 3 minutes away from me, so really they are immediate family. I don't necessarily want to leave my mom and my brother but everyone else here I need to get away from. But at this rate I'm not going anywhere.
My love life has not improved at all, at least in the ways that I want it to. My relationship with my boyfriend is great all except one component. He does not love me, he cares about me but that is all. And I know that it is wrong to pressure someone into loving you, but I really need this right now.
My weight is still as crazy high as ever and its not going down at all. and it frustrates me. My boyfriend doesn't seem to help any, bringing home fried chicken and ice cream.
Also my boyfriend and my living situation right now SUCKS. At the moment because he does not have a car I am staying with him. He is now renting a room in a 60yr old woman's house. It's a nice house don't get me wrong but I cannot come and go as I please considering a lot of my things are there. I can only be there when he is there and that is not convenient considering that he lives 30minutes away from my parents house. That means that from school I'd have to go to my mom's house instead of where my clothes and computer is until he gets off work at 8pm. Which I honestly hate. He is not trying to find us another place, and he says that he wants us to live together but nothing is happening. I am ready to just say fuck it and move away to an apartment by myself or move back home.
I am currently getting more hours at work so I hope things start to look up.
So with that I have started a new exercise program, well not really a program more like I'm forcing myself to go to the gym. And my boyfriend is going too so that's even better because he's making me go. And watching him lose weight pushes me to want to lose more then him. Competition helps a lot. Plus he is a lot heavier then me hes 260 something and makes me feel small and since he is a guy too he will naturally lose a lot more weight faster then me so that pushes me too. So last night was the first night we went around 9pm we planned to go at 6am but neither of us heard the alarm clock.
Now I'm just going to stick to the treadmill for now because I heard that that is the quickest way to burn fat. I'm not trying to build muscle so I'm not doing any lifting. Well last night was the first night like I said and I ran a 5k that's 3.10 miles in about 50 minutes I'm going to try to beat that every time I get on so that way I can set goals for myself not only in my weight but also in the gym. I only burned like 250kcal which pissed me off my boyfriend ran the same 5k and burned over 500kcal so I don't know if that has to do with his weight because the program on the treadmill asked us to put in our weight so maybe that's a factor I don't know but I'm hoping to burn more tonight.
So gym every night til I lose this weight. right now I am 154lb.( I know its disgusting)
I am aiming for 150 by next week Sunday. its written on my wrist for motivation :) Wish me luck... and I'll keep you posted!!!
So as you can see I have started a new diet plan and details are below. I came across this diet on a blogger's tumblr and she had it posted and from comments I heard you could lose a lot. so I'm excited so far i have lost 3 pounds that's with exercise EVERY day and I'm watching it all fall off.
Other than that today and tomorrow April 1-2 is Light it up blue for autism so i painted my nails blue. I think there should be more awareness for this condition and those living with it :)